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Put spaces between the paragraphs on this site. It makes it easier to read.

Yes, that was my intent, Magicman =] Thanks, all of you.

Tossing and turning throughout the night I listen to the nearby train Who cries out in the lonely night Overuse of "night". Hope you get some sleep.

It's best when things have a common need and they aren't a collection of random phrases. Pretty phrases are nice, but I think you need to apply...er...something coherent?

I agree with MH. Your wording was awkward, and his is less so. If you aren't to apply it, at least consider changing it somewhat. By the way - WHERE ...

I have no idea who Elliot is. I'll have to look it up. Thanks, though, for the critique. Very useful. I don't get them often enough.

I'm in a colorguard, so I do dance and flag twirling. Yes, I'm a dancer, but not exactly the clean type =]

I liked how "fly" and "sky" rhymed an all. Gave it another layer. I back Cassandra's question - does clouds have to be capatalized?

I might completely delete this. We'll see. Margaritaville The room was dense, heavy with the smoke of lust and heated, like a sinful calm. Two crimson high-heels were crossed one ...

*gets angry* you didnt tear it apart, Snoink! in any case, the part is increasingly dirty.

It's narrative.

Oy vey. Another lost cause. Does this make sense to anybody?

while the sun in the sky dimmer shone. there MUST be a better way to say this. there must be... otherwise, nice. you keep the rhythm in the rhyme.

Study vocabulary, break out of repitition and just simple, repeating rhyme schemes. With those simple mechanics, you have the potential to be great.

Swashbuckling half-blind Aloisio folded the papers in a flash, revealing his face from behind the ebony desk. Gold latches jangled as he jumped to his black-booted feet. Men dressed in ...